Scari-Shari (scari) wrote,

hello me

i know it's been awhile since i've been here. did ya miss me? sometimes it takes something utterly and painfully thought provoking to inspire a paragraph or two.
iv'e been thinking alot about the ex lately,..and these pictures that i still have of him over my desk. a baby picture (an obligatory naked-in-yellow-tub shot), a couple i took of him, and one of those photo booth tinies of us lip locked. i was happy then. or maybe i just didn't know any better...which i'm sure is more than likely the case. i used to look at them and long for his company. his comfort. now that i've dated and had a few romantic trysts...and now finally a MAJOR crush on a perfect boy, ...those pictures are strangely not the same. they've morphed into images of someone else's memory. it's like i look at him and i remember someone who looked like that in my life a long long time ago but i dont remember the details of how i knew him or exactly how intimate our relationship might have been. VERY WEIRD. i'm reminded of the friends i had in pre-school who i've erased from my consciousness except for rare times of trauma triggered reminiscing. not that i'm an alumni from the McMartin pre-school or anything, but who wants to travel that far back?
anyhow, i think it's a good sign. i'm finally getting over him. i've accepted i'll probably never see him again and he leds a totally different life. now i want to start to live my own.
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