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03:50am 30/07/2002
  i just took down those pictures.  
hello me   
03:00am 30/07/2002
  i know it's been awhile since i've been here. did ya miss me? sometimes it takes something utterly and painfully thought provoking to inspire a paragraph or two.
iv'e been thinking alot about the ex lately,..and these pictures that i still have of him over my desk. a baby picture (an obligatory naked-in-yellow-tub shot), a couple i took of him, and one of those photo booth tinies of us lip locked. i was happy then. or maybe i just didn't know any better...which i'm sure is more than likely the case. i used to look at them and long for his company. his comfort. now that i've dated and had a few romantic trysts...and now finally a MAJOR crush on a perfect boy, ...those pictures are strangely not the same. they've morphed into images of someone else's memory. it's like i look at him and i remember someone who looked like that in my life a long long time ago but i dont remember the details of how i knew him or exactly how intimate our relationship might have been. VERY WEIRD. i'm reminded of the friends i had in pre-school who i've erased from my consciousness except for rare times of trauma triggered reminiscing. not that i'm an alumni from the McMartin pre-school or anything, but who wants to travel that far back?
anyhow, i think it's a good sign. i'm finally getting over him. i've accepted i'll probably never see him again and he leds a totally different life. now i want to start to live my own.
you're sucha bitch for gossip, aren't you?   
01:11pm 18/06/2002
  so everyone wants to know what happened regarding that dumbass rainbow chick....no big deal, no reason to call don king...just a couple rowdy girls getting into it good before djbroke threw a wrench in it. me and that candy coated poser had the unfortunate luck to bump into each other before the party at Hanna's Liquour store. she asked if i was going to be there, i said i would, she asked if i was going to have a date, i said no..she said too bad you dont have someone like that hottie ex of yours to keep you company these days. as soon as she uttered this, james appears out of nowhere and slides his arms under hers as he stands behind her and kisses the back of her head. every droplet of blood in my body began to boil. they both just stood there and smirked. shocked for just a moment, i got right up in her face and said, "don't think about showing up tonight because i'll be piss ass drunk, and i'll kick the living shit out of you." well, needless to say, she showed up at the party. ALONE. dont know what happened to james..but uh being that OUR friends are really more like MY friends, it was real easy to keep my word for at least a few minutes. (good going, Broke.) pfa. what was the damage? i got a few scratches, a rip in my skirt, but she got the bloody lip, the bruised visage, the scraped up knees and a good soak in that REFRESHING old fountain. hopefully some of that slime mold growing in it attached itself to an open wound and is infecting her flesh slowly and painfully.  
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10:42am 16/06/2002
  no interesting email and i'm bored as all get out. waiting for someone to instant message me for cybersex. i need a date. where are the hotties? this slump i'm in is getting to me and it's time for stella to get her groove back. any sexy mutha fucka reading this, please inquire. let's do the naughty, no strings attached.  
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04:00pm 13/06/2002

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post-work boredom and california weather sucks.   
03:57pm 13/06/2002
  i hate my job. i hate this heat. customers are idiots and my make up is melting off my face.  
welcome me   
07:21am 11/06/2002
  dani gave me a code finally , so, voila, i have my own freakin journal. now you may be privy to all my exciting kinds of thoughts and insights and day to day drama. aren't you pleased as peas?
another 8 hours of work today. what a hellish nightmare that place is. if it wasn't for goreyanna, i'd slice a vein.
a customer asked me if my mother approved of my "devious lifestyle" today. i told him my mom was a smack shooting porn director who stars me in her best films because she's so proud of my big titties. i guessed he decided to take his business elsewhere when his jaw hit the floor and he silently swung his arse around and walked out the door. such a lost. i need a nap. more later.